I have this acquaintance on Facebook. She’s been planning a wedding for the better part of the last 18 months. How do I know? No, not the 500 photos she posted on her wedding night (hello, shouldn’t you be doing something with/to your husband instead of uploading your white dress selfies?) but because just about every day or so for the past 18 months there has been some post along the lines of: “OMG I’m über stressed dahlias won’t be in season in August” or “Blurghh how does one choose a PLAYLIST ehrmagerd the pressure is killing me!!!!” Not to mention multiple other inanities about seating charts, guest lists, venues, catering, etc., etc., like every single one of us who have added her as a friend ACTUALLY CARE. Here’s a tip: We DON’T!

If you’re reading this, this person is not you (they have been duly blocked from seeing this post). In fact, a stellar example of wedding planning Facebook etiquette can be found in my newly-minted sister-in-law. Not once did I see obnoxious stress posts about anything that had to do with the planning – the only wedding-related posts I saw were amazing photos of the pre-wedding venue scoping in Mexico, the engagement party, the bachelorette, etc., and all were upbeat, positive, excited posts instead of frustrated ranting. And to be fair, about 99% of my recently-married Facebook contacts were much the same. Likely because they’re probably busy actually living their lives instead of broadcasting their every thought and frustration to the Facebook universe the moment it crosses their minds. One or two panic posts is perfectly acceptable to get a little bit of community support, but hundreds? You’ve crossed a line.

Though I’ve never planned a wedding and maybe should be more understanding, here’s my rant to get the irritation off my chest (because I probably should have just blocked/defriended but instead subjected myself to the unending frustration of subscribing to these updates): We’re excited you found someone who will commit to you forever and ever til death do you part. That’s special, congrats. I’m glad that he’s adorable and you loooooove him and want to make little spawn with him. It’s great, really. And I’m excited that you’re planning a wedding – fun stuff! You get to have a giant party with all your BFFs, and you get to be the center of attention. Woo! And sure, it can be stressful to plan a big party, but just get on with it and stop whining about every little obnoxious detail ad nasuem. If it’s that stressful, elope! Or call your mom or sister or friend who is also planning or just planned a wedding and whine. These are things that are best kept to a weekly girls-night happy hour, not broadcast every other day to 400 of your closest middle/high school friends, college friends, former colleagues and extended family you’ve only ever met once and aren’t even invited to the wedding.

That is all, and thank you for listening. plans-sound-really-interesting-wedding-ecard-someecards